Waking In Nightmares
by Captain Vulcan
Summary: "Reimu Hakurei... I have claimed you: mind, body, and soul! You belong to me - now and forevermore."


Blame Seiga. She made me do it…

**DISCLAIMER: **All the characters and locales from the Touhou Project are the conception of ZUN. Though this tale is based on canonical aspects, the events that will soon happen are non-canonical. This is a 'fan' fiction, after all.

**STORY RATING: PG-13/T For Teens: **For innuendo, language, violence, and a macabre scenario.

**TOUHOU PROJECT**

**WAKING IN NIGHTMARES **

Here lies Reimu Hakurei. The Shrine Maiden of Paradise.

My Pretty was lying there peacefully. She was in a deep sleep - vulnerable. The snores she emitted sounded like a cat's purr. A small oscillating fan was placed near her prone form on the veranda. Even with the sun setting in the West, it was still unbearably hot. The immense heat took a toll on everyone, even the heroine of this realm was subjugated to the summer's discretion.

I have caught her completely off guard.

Reimu was a fool. She was careless. The girl was _beautiful. _I nearly lost breathe when I gazed at her parted lips when I approached her. The rise and fall of her flat tummy and round bosom was intoxicating (as cheesy as that sounds). Reimu's small red shirt failed to cover her navel and lower waist and I fought the urge to glide my hand over her smooth skin. Gazing at her face, I reminisced the days of my youth. How old was she, anyway?

Eighteen?

Nineteen?

This pretty little thing could even give me a run for my money when I was her age. I sat near her sleeping body and fiddled with her hair. She smelled nice. For someone who claims to be living in poverty, she certainly takes care of her hair and hygiene. I'd imagined if it weren't for the fact that she was the guardian of Gensokyou, she would have countless suitors – male and female. All of them would be willing to submit themselves to her beck and call. Many of them would chase her thighs. And many more would pursue her heart.

I envy you, Reimu. In more ways than one…

However, my purpose for being here is for reasons other than admiring her beauty. No… I'm here to claim her. I have been keeping an eye on this young lady for a while. Never in a long time have I found someone so fascinating! This child is divinely favored to an almost unfair degree. I still find it hard to believe that someone so young and innocent would be (figuratively) on top of this world's pecking order. She was a heroine, but her victories were largely disregarded among the humans. It's rather strange, if you ask me.

I'll say that it's not non-appreciation, but rather, indifference. If I were in her shoes, I would be pretty pissed about the lack of gratitude. Reimu literally saved the people from wild youkai and other sorts of monsters – from the whims of a bratty devil to a megalomaniacal sub-god from abandoned hell. And yet, besides the hanyou teacher and that moronic chronicler, the humans never show their thanks. I'm getting a little angry as I about this. Hell, she hardly gets any donations, for Laozi's sake!

It is said that the meek shall inherit the earth. All good things come to those that wait. Enacting good deeds warrants a blessing. This child has been good to her people and it saddens me that most of the people act as though she's unimportant (for the most part). Besides, was it stated in _Gensokyou Chronicles _that the Great Barrier **literally **depends on her existence? Not that I care about the well-being of this place, anyway. I'm still a little miffed about that accursed _Gumon Kuju._

I should have murdered the author who wrote that… blasphemy.

Anyways, about the meek inheritance thing – first off, Reimu will gain nothing. It is a sad thing to say, but it is true. For all the good she has done, she will be forgotten after she's dead and gone. They will recruit a new heroine to protect Gensokyou and the legend of Hakurei will continue without Reimu. The only people that would care to acknowledge her legacy would be boring scholars… and another Heida. And I have a horrible feeling that some may even rejoice when she dies.

I will not allow that.

I'm going to save Reimu from her wretched fate. Business calls and I'm going to have to make this quick.

"Sei-ga!"

I grit my teeth in slight annoyance. No one shall ruin my plan. "Shush, Yoshika," I scold her. "You're going to wake…"

"Ugh…" My Pretty stirred, her blouse covered in sweat. The breeze from the fan felt good.

I played along. There was no need to arouse further suspicion. "Yo, Reimu. You slept well?"

She lethargically rolled on her side and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "Ahh… what is it now?" She yawns. "…Please don't – haauuu – tell me that there's another incident going on."

She's smart. She hopes for the better, yet she expects the worse. I couldn't help but giggle as I nodded. "No, Reimu. Not one that I know of anyway."

"Phew… that's a relief," she said. Reimu wiped sweat off her forehead with her ascot and sat in an unlady-like fashion. I can't blame her. It's sweltering today. Plus, whether she knew it or not, her small white skivvies were on display. "It is too hot to start trouble anyway."

"Agreed," I remarked, removing my vest. "For Laozi's sake, it's too hot for human, youkai, or beast."

And then the youth did a double-take. Hearing my deep voice in her sleepy haze, she must've thought that I was Marisa. She realized who I was. "It's you."

Yoshika hopped in front of us and greeted. "Hiiii~!"

Even though I can sense urgency in her being, she remained calm. "What are you doing here?"

I noticed that she wasn't armed. Her staff and Ying-Yang Orbs were legendary… for they have befallen many adversaries. Still, I have to be careful with her. She was still formidable. The Rose Hermit has been schooling her in hand-to-hand combat. "Relax," I said innocently. "I just came over here to see how you're doing this evening."

My friendly tone put her at ease. She placed the fan on her lap and allowed it to cool her face. "Oh, okay. I haven't seen you in a while. The last time I saw you were when Kasen and Marisa were here."

Oh yea, I remember that. That was a month ago. It was right after I've escaped from a clever assassin's trap. The fool. And he actually thought that he had me. Those people in hell are a bunch of morons. They will label you 'evil' or 'impure' just because you prolong your lifespan. And so, they send their little mercenaries and assassins after me in hopes of dragging me to the pit themselves. They are certainly a funny bunch. But they fail to realize that I answer to no one – not even the so-called envoys of hell.

"In the jungle~, the mighty jungle~! The lion sleeps tonight~!" Yoshika blurted out, singing a tune. "A-whee-ma-way! A-whee-ma-way!"

Reimu stared at my minion as though her breasts suddenly deflated. "…What?"

"Yoshika, enough of that," I commanded, and she stopped lollygagging.

"Aww!"

The girl scratches her head. My minion lost her just now. I'm a little thankful for Yoshika's random liveliness. "That was weird."

Which means that my plan will be easier to execute. Reimu's oblivious to my intentions. Suppressing my sinister mirth, I happily clasped my hands together. "So Reimu, let's get down to business. Would you like to know the reason for my visit?"

Reimu gauges my expression carefully, sizing me. "You're not here to challenge me to a danmaku duel, are you?" I nod in the negative and she sighs with relief. "Good… it's too hot for this crap anyway."

"Heh… I'm surprised to hear that from the one that navigated the very heart of Old Hell." I remarked.

Reimu shuddered. "Don't remind me, and Okuu's presence didn't help either."

Yoshika sat beside me. "I'm bored!"

"Deal with it, Yoshika."

"And I'm hungry, too!"

"Did you just eat someone before coming here?"

"No," the titty-monster lied. She hiccups a red ribbon. That cute little blonde girl didn't stand a chance.

I gave her an admonishing glare. "What did I tell you about lying to me, Yoshika?"

The shrine maiden giggled at our tirade. Our interaction was funny to her. "Ah heeheheheh…" Her mirth was a cute sound. It was girlish and carefree. I… I almost feel sorry for her about the shit that I'm about to put her through. Oh well. It's time to cut to the chase. But incidentally, she asks me "So, what's up? What brings you here to the shrine?"

"I'm here to bring you a gift." I revealed, earning a gasp from her. I pulled out a small present from my robe and I know you're wondering how I kept it hidden on me. But never mind that, I'm being 'evil' here. "Goodness knows that you deserve one, Shrine Maiden of Paradise." I presented the gift-wrapped box with a pleasant smile. And for a moment, I could have sworn that her hair bow hopped off her head. Reimu was elated by this development. Maybe she hasn't received any gifts in a long time.

"Holy Hourai, are you serious?"

I gave her the gift in response. Actions speak louder than words.

"I want a present, too!"

"Shut up, Yoshika!"

"Oh thank you-thank you-thank you!" Reimu shrieked, bowing her head repeatedly.

A scoff escapes me. "SNNNRRK! You're welcome!"

The naïve girl hastily removes the ribbon off the box. Ooh, she's gonna get it! She will certainly enjoy her gift! And at the very last second she remove the lid, Yoshika sang "Nice knowin' ya!"

"Wha-"

**DING!**

Reimu Hakurei dropped to the floor in a heap. It was a classic but the boxing glove-in-the-box did the trick. The gag left a purple bruise on her forehead. Hmm… it's likely that the author of this tale will get a lot of heat for mistreating Reimu like this – but somehow I know that he don't give a damn. Hell, I don't either. As a matter of fact…

"Oh~hohohohohoo~!"

Yoshika knelt besides the unconscious heroine (which looked strange with her arms out) and shouted "YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUGG OUT!"

I made a grunt of disapproval. "Watch your language, Yoshika."

"Fugg, Seiga-sama," my minion explained. "Not fuck."

"You just said it!" I pointed out.

"Sorry…"

"Apology accepted, baby." I replied softly before going on about my mission. "But now's not the time to celebrate the victory. Let's get this over with before someone gets here!" I commanded and fished out an anti-decomposing ofuda from my pocket. "Bite her!"

The damned girl was already nibbling on the miko's shoulder. "What'd you say?"

"Do not eat her, Yoshika!" I reprimanded as I pushed her off Reimu. "But I commend you for taking the initiative like that, girl! I'm going to treat you to Gengetsu's Pizza Parlor for dinner later."

My cute underling bounced up and down in joy. "YAY!"

And now to get what I came here for: my latest minion. I stamped the ofuda on her forehead and her skin took on a bluish pigmentation. This is the moment of truth! I still can't believe how easy this is! She recovered from her near-death experience, now mine! "Reimu Hakurei…" I began dramatically. "I have claimed you: mind, body, and soul! You now belong to Seiga Kaku – now and forever - URGK!"

Her hand's on my throat! She's crushing my windpipe! "You…!"

She was as strong as a jiang shi but her mentality remained. She was fighting the jiang shi transformation… and winning! "Reimu! But – how! ?"

The young bitch's eyes were full of life and anger. She lifted me higher as she rose off the floor. "How… dare… you!" She cursed my existence in her now-raspy voice. Her blue skin is returning to normal. "What the hell is wrong with you! ?"

I gripped her arm that was holding my by the wrist. Fortunately, she can still feel pain. Her grip loosened and I landed on my feet. "Oh, nothing… I'm just recruiting you, that's all."

**PAP!**

"Oww!" I cried. That wench just punched me in the nose! What's worse, she immediately turns and sprints inside the shrine! That can only mean one thing: she's going to get her weapons. Not that I can help it! "Oh no you don't! You think that this is going to be easy! ?" I yell after her. This girl is fast on her feet and she will surely make it to her weapons with all the obstacles inside the place (walls, corners, etc).

Just as she was about to dash inside her room, I employed my hairpin and etched a hole in the wall. This is my only chance! As I phase through the wall, I reached out and grabbed her hair. Lucky! "Gotcha!"

"Oow!" She yelped in pain as I yanked her tresses. It was a dirty tactic but someone had to do it. If she gets a hold of her arsenal then I'm done for! To my immense satisfaction, her eyes welled up with tears. "Let go of me!"

I denied her freedom. "Not gonna happen, sweetie!"

And once again, Reimu surprised me. She twisted under my grip and grabbed my offending hand with both her arms. A sharp pain hit my forearm and she managed to misdirect me to the floor with a takedown. Looks like I'm going to have to give that other hermit a visit after this ordeal. She's going to hear a lot of fighting words from me!

Reimu was about to get her tools from her closet and my right arm was in pain. This will be the deciding factor! It was her or me! Ignoring the pang in my limb, I hopped of the floor and grabbed her from behind in a face hold. Now I may not look like it, but I'm pretty strong. I've been living on the continent for millennia. And I've been trained by many hermits, soldiers, and martial artists over the years. I contested against thugs, murderers, youkai, and demons – if I can't hold down this little girl for a few moments then my victories were flukes. I held Reimu with every once of my being. Her body and spirit were rejecting my whims. "Ooh… look what we have here: a helpless heroine."

The youth struggled against my vice grip, but I was bigger, taller, and stronger than her. It would take a miracle for her to escape me. She back-kicked my left knee but I ignored the spasm. "Huumph! UUUMPH!"

I inhaled her sweet aroma. Then my free hand caressed her leg and butt. Fufufu… for someone that cannot get fat no matter how much she eats, Reimu sure is supple. I resisted the temptation to steal a squeeze. "What was that? I can't hear you, girl!"

My hand that was holding her face suddenly starts to bleed. Yea… her biting me was her response.

"Huh… is that right?" I raised my free hand and…

**WAP!**

Hit her on the back of her head with a chop. She kissed the floor – hard! I went to work and placed various charms on her arms and thighs (indulging in caressing the latter, that is). She was too strong for just one ofuda. I summoned my minion for assurance – I can't have her breaking the curse again. "Yoshika!"

The titty monster noisily entered the room. "That's my name, don't wear it out!"

I pointed at the fallen heroine. "Bite her again!"

"Will do, Seiga!" Yoshika cheers and pounces our victim. Unfortunately, said victim recovered from my blow and flipped over just in time to kick Yoshika off of her. My poor minion flew out the room. "This isn't fair!"

Damn this girl! I hate it when this happens – doing shit the hard way! After she got to her feet she summoned her Ying-Yang Orbs (since she was close to them). This is a revolting development! A drastic time calls for a drastic measure!

"Now Seiga, it's time I make you pay-"

**SLISH!**

The pupils in her pretty eyes constricted as pain invaded her again. This time, there's a _tanto _in her stomach. Her face fell in my bosom and she gave me a heinous glare. "You… bitch…" she coughed.

I slid the bloody blade from her flesh. "Know your failure…"

Reimu coughed again, soaking my cleavage with her blood. "I'll… see you… in hell… fool."

I smiled wickedly at the defeated legend. Her DNA was painting my mounds but I didn't care. She was mine! "I'm counting on it."

And then, rigor mortis claimed her. Her eyes lost the focus and her skin began pigmenting again. There was no need for Miyako to bite her again for the fatal stab assured her demise. And now she will recieve the gift of immortality. My Pretty will spend the rest of eternity as my minion! Today was a good day! Heh heh… I feel like a child in a bakery!

"Reimu!" An annoyingly familiar voice shouted from outside the shrine. "Oi, Reimu!"

Tch. It's that so-called Wild and Horned Hermit – a minor distraction. I gently laid Reimu's corpse on the floor. She should be reborn as a jiang shi in a matter of minutes. In the meantime, I'll have a little fun with the voluptuous visitor.

"Hello~! Anyone home?"

"Sorry," I said as I stepped out the shadows of the shrine. "But the priestess is in another shrine."

My appearance took the young hermit by surprise. "Ah – what are you doing here?"

"Fufufufu…" I walked up to her, and, many of you will be surprised to know that I'm taller than her. "I'm here for Reimu but it looks like she's not with us right now."

"Your nose is bruised," she pointed out in suspicion. "And there's blood on your chest. **Where's Reimu?**"

Well, there's no use lying to this girl. Sugarcoating things won't work either. "Looks like we got quite a scenario here," I stated seriocomically. "It's getting late, so I really like to get this over with. My nose is bleeding and my right arm hurts. There's a bloodstain on my blouse and, instead of Reimu, you find me coming out the shrine. Now, Sweet Thing, what does that tell you?"

Her response is an ultra-fast elbow thrust to my chest.

"Ugh…" I wheezed as I knelt in pain. "…don't you know that it isn't nice to hit a lady in her chest?"

"What have you done to her?" She says darkly. Uh-oh… looks like I'm about to find out whether or not that she is an oni. "If you did something bad to her I swear that I'll make you suffer."

"Yea… you might as well go ahead and make me suffer then," I remarked. "You already started when you bopped me in the bosom. So why stop there?"

Just as Kasen was about to carry out her threat, my cute underling appeared on the veranda. "HEY! WHY YOU SO MEAN! ?"

The rose-themed monster held me by my hair. "Because your Master is bad person, that's why!"

"Oh-ho~! I love you too, Kassie!" I giggled despite my predicament. Ow! She's pulling my hair too hard! "Argh! Why won't you pull out my roots for Laozi's sake!"

"I was getting to that…"

**YANK!**

"OOOWW!"

And then, "Saaay… ggghhuuuh…"

My aggressor gasped and relinquished my hair. The main attraction has arrived! "N-no… Wha-what is this? It can't be!"

The young hermit was understandably stricken with horror. "Ssssssggggaah…"

"Ibaraki, I would like you to meet Reimu Hakurei," I announced as she fell on her knees on the verge of tears. My Pretty made slow, staggering steps towards me with her blue arms held in front of her (duh!). She's even cuter now than she was alive! Her cute face and lithe body remained (virtually) unchanged but her head was cocked at a small angle and her pupils were slits. Her fingernails were almost as long as daggers and I think I did a god job of stamping those charms all over her legs. She looks good! "…my minion!"

"W-what..." she fell on her knees, shaking in disbelief. I love to see despair on Kasen's face! "Seiga... what have you done?"

"Masssster…" Reimu hissed, breathing laboriously like the Xenomorph from the cult classic, 'Alien'. "Ssssseigggahh…"

"HAKUNA MATTATAH~!" Yoshika happily sang.

I nod my head. "Indeed." I rose to my feet and gave Reimu a kiss on her forehead. "No worries, here!"

"Masss… uuuurrr… Maaaaasteeer!"

"No… This can't be real!" Kasen cried. "This has to be some sort of nightmare!"

I gave my rival the… what is it that people blurt out these days (just because)? Oh right – a troll-face! "Yes, sweetie! Welcome to my nightmare! Oh-hohohohohoho~!"

The horned hermit started sobbing. This is the greatest day ever! "REEEEIMU!"

**EPILOGUE**

"Gah!" Reimu shrieked, jarring wide awake on her futon. Her brown eyes were dilated in horror and her face was drenched in cold sweat. She looks inside the _juban_ (sleepwear yukata) she wore and sighed in relief. There were no stab wounds on her midsection. "Whew…" she sighed, wiping the sweat off her brow. "It was only a nightmare."

"Nightmare?" A dulcet voice said. "Sweetie, what happened last night was a dream come true!"

The shrine maiden froze in shock at the familiar voice. She slowly creaked her neck to stare at the person lying beside her. To her horror, the evil she dreamt about was right there – semi-nude. "Y-y-y-y-you!" Reimu stammered, her jaw literally hitting the floor. "What the hell is going on! ?"

Seiga was next to the miko – her godly curves were visible in the babydoll lingerie she was wearing. "Hell? I doubt it, toots! You got a taste of heaven after the after-party."

"But I didn't drink a damn thing last night!" Reimu complained. "Besides water, that is. Regardless, I only had three slices of pizza from Gengetsu's parlor!"

"Ooh, Reimu… who would have ever thought that you were a screamer?" Seiga teased. "You were practically singing from all the excitement! Heck, you even yelled the names of the eight-million gods of this nation!"

Reimu covered her face with her palms and sobbed. "Uuuuwaaahhh… just… GET OUTTA HERE!"

"Hey Reimu, let's say we have a duel!" Tenshi Hinanawi declared as she slid open the door to the room. Once she noticed the grieving miko and the happy jasen, the celestial smirked. "Sufferin' Shanghai! Umm… Bow-chika-wow-wow?"

Seiga placed her trusty hairpin back in her locks. "Yes indeed, kiddo!"

A fang appeared in the edge of Tenshi's grin. "Ooh! Just wait until Aya hears about-"

"I'm on it," the said tengu chirped, taking snapshots of the easily-mistaken outcome of a tryst. "What a scoop! This is going to be a best-seller!"

And the next thing they knew, the Hakurei Shrine exploded in an explosion of immense divine magic. The news of the scandal never made it beyond the shrine because Aya's life was on the line, Seiga and Tenshi suffered (selective) amnesia, and Reimu took regular visits to her (new) therapist. Satori Komeiji was saddened to hear the misfortune of the traumatized miko. If anything, Satori ordered her to never consume food from Gengetsu's restaurant again. Or else, she will once again wake up to another nightmare.

**THE END**

This silly little story was inspired by an evil cat-girl and the doujinshi '_Nisshoku Jougan_ (Solar Eclipse)' by Tohonifun/Chado. Give it a read when you get a chance. It's pretty cool.

And yea, Seiga escaping a hell-assassin's deathtrap actually happened (canonically, folks). Or so she says…

Anyways, this was a nice little pit-stop from my main stories. Even though I'm not into first-person narrative, I always wanted to try writing in said style. It's actually fun.

Well then, readers… til next time – hopefully in _The Great Shinobi Incident_.


End file.
